Divorcing with dignity: A grown-up's guide

Divorce doesn’t have to be ugly and brutal. If you and your spouse are open to an amicable divorce, there are plenty of ways to get there.

Here are the best things to remember and the steps to take:

Remember that you cannot control the other person

You are the only person you can control. You can’t make the other person see reason, understand why you are hurt, why you feel the way you feel or make him or her feel differently about you. You may have to decide that you need to go your own way and if your spouse happens to be going that way too, it’s a bonus! If not, you are probably going to end up divorced.

Understand that two decent people can still be wrong for each other

You may have clicked together once. But time, growth, life experiences and a hundred other things can affect people differently. It doesn’t mean that your spouse is a horrible person. It doesn’t mean that you are. Odds are good that you just feel horrible together because you no longer click the way you once did.

Don’t try to “ghost” out of the marriage

Marriages don’t just fade away. You can’t just stop returning your spouse’s calls or Facebook posts. At some point, you need to own up to the fact that you aren’t emotionally connected in the same way and let your spouse know you are thinking of divorce.

Give therapy an option

Unless you are already mentally and emotionally done, give therapy an option. Just realize that therapy has an end goal of making the situation better for everyone — and that may mean getting a divorce after all. However, you may be able to use the therapist’s office as a safe space to work out the remaining pain and anger you are both feeling before you part.

Discuss the divorce as unemotionally as possible

Once you get to this stage, it is best if you can get to a nonemotional state and discuss the logistics of your divorce, including the financial aspects.

It always helps to have the advice of a family law attorney to guide you through the legal aspects of your divorce.

Source: HuffPost, “How To Divorce Like A Grown-Up (And Co-Parent Like One, Too),” Brittany Wong, accessed Jan. 12, 2018